Museum of Weird Books

Nest Am Fenster (Window into a Nest)

2011-06-24T09:52:00.001-07:00

Nest Am Fenster (Window into a Nest)

Geraldine Lux Flanagan und Sean Morris

Carlsen Verlag

Candid Camera for the birds, or how "tweeting" really began.

This attractive German book from 1975 contains 96 pages of black and white and color photos of a family of Waldvogel or "forest birds," as seen through a serveillance camera positioned inside their bird house.

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We start with a photo of a human family peering behind black curtains into the home of the forest bird family, as we in turn watch them watch.

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Once they decide to occupy the bird house (free rent!), the little birds start decorating and furnishing.

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The new flooring is arranged with care.

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Home Sweet Home.

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The forest birds soon start a family with the arrival of spring.

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In just a month, the pile of eggs turns into a pile of chicks which strangely resemble pitcher plants.

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Who grow and grow.

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Soon they look like real birds and leave the nest.

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That amazing ingredient: mayonnaise!

2009-11-10T16:59:00.001-08:00

That amazing ingredient: mayonnaise!

Ray Richards

CPC International Inc., 1979

Why devote an entire cookbook to mayonnaise? Why indeed?

Such white creamy goodness...

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With almost every food imaginable, mayonnaise is comfortably at home... in soups, entrees, even baked goods!

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Mayonnaise is especially delicious when combined with 1 1/2 packages cream cheese, as in this pine cone spread. Yum!

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Here we have several wonderful examples of mayonnaise-and-gelatin combinations: Pink cloud mold, Salmon-dill mousse, and Tri-color vegetable mold. Molds beautiful to behold.

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You can't tell by looking, but these cookies are also made with mayonnaise - and margarine.

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2009-11-10T16:43:00.001-08:00

Magic in Frosting

John McNamara

KopyKake Enterprises, Inc., Torrance, CA 1984

The publishers are certain that you will find this to be the most different and complete book ever written and photographed on the subject of Figure Piping with soft frostings.

We think that you will find this book to be the most complete full-color book of ugly cakes that you are likely to see.

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In the introduction, the author tells us this book is designed to minimize lengthy and confusing word instructions. In fact, other than the introduction, there are no words, only colorful photos like these of the authors. Mr. McNamara is the originator of the world famous "Pink Elephant Cake," and holds Lifetime Teaching Credentials in the Art of Cake Decorating.

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Here we see the technique illustrated wherein small pink frosting blobs are built up to create various faces such as that of the politician, the bobby-soxer, and the dude with an afro.

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The same stick figure and blob technique can also used to create a horse, a deer, and a bull, all with weirdly distorted bodies and enlarged heads.

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In this very amazing cake, a blobular caveman pursues and is pursued by a carnivorous stegosaurus. Appetizing!

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I'm not sure exactly what is happening here, but those are supposed to be pink elephants (world famous!), and that's a champagne bottle.

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Let's see, this strangely shaped Hawaiian cake features a tiki god and lovely hula girl.

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Here's my favorite: a hamburger that's a cake that's a hamburger.

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The Joyce Lee Method of Scientific Facial Exercises

2009-08-20T10:56:00.001-07:00

The Joyce Lee Method of Scientific Facial Exercises

by Joyce Lee

Joyce Eve Lee Cosmetics, Inc. Beverly Hills, CA, 1965

Rid yourself of those wrinkles, crow's feet, bags, droopy eyelids, flabby neck or distended cords, or any other facial fault you've acquired over the years.

Here's the beautiful Joyce Lee herself at the young age of 51. A few facial exercises, some sanding and liquor, er, lacquer, and you'll look great too! A little makeup and airbrushing doesn't hurt, either.

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Our treasured copy is signed (with love) by Miss Joyce Lee herself.

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The first step to start the "Ten-Minute-A-Day" program of loveliness is to determine which muscles to exercise. Remember, "You are deserving of all the delights which come from this new world awaiting you. Make them yours, and let nothing swerve from your goal."

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This two page spread shows the correct motions for cleansing the face-- with Joyce Lee Exercise Cream, of course. It's important when cleansing the face, to carefully avoid your eye and lip makeup. Improperly done, IT CAN CAUSE GREAT HARM.

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To remove the horrid hollows in the center of your cheek, first spread a thick layer of Joyce Lee Exercise Cream to face and neck (carefully avoiding eye and lip makeup), then put your thumbs inside your mouth and push out. Also relax jaw.

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Men can improve their looks too! To eliminate wrinkles and tighten area under eyes, first tape the forehead. Then apply a thick layer of Joyce Lee Exercise Cream. "Look up" into the mirror so the whites at the bottom of your eyes show. Do not move from this position.

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Your own actions and emotions cause lines to form on your face. These photos illustrate the incorrect and correct ways of applying mascara and laughing. Note: NEVER apply mascara while laughing.

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Stuck inside the back cover of this useful volume is a little catalog of Joyce Lee Products. You need never run out of Pre-Exercise Cream, Exercise Cream, and Exercise Cream Remover. Also available: Slumber Cream, and Scowl Remover (for only $7.50).

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Unmasking the Face

2009-03-21T17:51:00.000-07:00

Unmasking the Face: A Guide to Recognizing Emotions from Facial Expressions

By Paul Eckman and Wallace V. Friesan

Prentice-Hall Inc., 1975

his book is filled with close-up black and white photos of men and women demonstrating various facial expressions. Scrunched up noses, knitted brows, raised eyebrows, the "fear mouth," the meaning of the naso-labial fold-all are demonstrated and explained in minute detail. You thought you could recognize facial expressions without a book? Wrong!

The small print on the cover really reads, "Learn how to mug for the camera better than any television actor in ten days or double your money back!"

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This page tells us that facial expressions cross cultural boundaries. The two guys on the left, one from Japan and one from America, have just been told their favorite coffee has been replaced with Folger's Crystals. The chart on the right indicates how different cultures interpreted each of the various facial expressions after having their favorite soft drink beverage compared in a taste test to Folger's Crystals.

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Here is a man from New Guinea mugging for the camera. He has been asked to provide facial expressions for the following statements: * Your friend has come and you are happy. * Your child has died. * You are angry and about to fight. * You see a dead pig that has been lying there for a long time. Hey, he is appearing with Tom Cruise in a movie next year, Michael Rockefeller Among the Cannibals!

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Here is an "identify the customer complaint" practice sheet for McDonald's counter workers. Can you identify the different foreign substances she's tasted in her vanilla milk shake? (The first guy is our manager, Joe, acting here as the "control" expression.) Aaaaah...mashed potatoes, bacon grease, cinnamon, okay, this next one's tough but I can get it...peanut butter, aaaah, motor oil and Hmmmmmmm...bong water?

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These are the reactions we got from four different house wives in four different cultures when we dumped an entire bottle of red wine on their living room rug to demonstrate the amazing powers of "Lifto" spot remover and throat gargle. Not really! Were just joking! But I'd like to know what they really were witnessing.

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The Art of Rapid Reading

2009-03-20T17:30:00.001-07:00

The Art of Rapid Reading

By Walter Pitkin

(Grosset & Dunlap, NY, 1929)

If you thought learning to read well only happened in grade school, then think again. Get ready, get set, read!

This 233 page handbook by Mr. Pitkin is designed to teach the reader how to get the most out of reading. There are chapters on the causes of poor reading, the improvement of word habits, and how to skim. Practice useful exercises for reading anything from light fiction to the most factual business reports.

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“Perhaps you can find only one hour daily for reading. Even so, see what you can accomplish! On this modest basis you can read: 8 books of the light type, 17 books of average difficulty, 10 books of solid reading, 5 books requiring close study. Or a total of 40 books a year.”

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Surely such a practice is worthwhile, for “A man will gladly sweat two hours a day for years in order to excel at tennis. And, having achieved this excellence, all he can do is beat his friends in the innocent art of swatting a rubber ball over a net.” Proper and improper reading positions are clearly illustrated. A dapper outfit and well-combed hair will add to your reading pleasure.

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A word list to master.

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The practice pages for high-speed reading are very poetical and accompanied by this caution: “Warning! Do not look at the following pages except under test conditions. If you do look at them accidentally, you will have to ask somebody to prepare another set of phrases to be used in testing your skill of perception.”

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The book also includes a handy chart for keeping track of your reading progress. Now get cracking!

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Fliks Presents Saturday Night Fever

2009-03-19T17:25:00.001-07:00

Fliks Presents Saturday Night Fever

by Michael Newman and Joan Schwartz

Fliks Publishing, NY, 1977

Let your fingers do the dancing.

Ever feel unfulfilled because you don't know the internal monologues of movie characters? Tired of guessing what they're thinking? Well, with the Fliks Publishing version of Saturday Night Fever, you can get inside the heads of Tony Manero, Stephanie, Bobby C, and even the paint store customer.

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Read these spectacular insights: "I was really into my bod those days, especially my hair. I'd comb it for an hour to the music until I had it DOWN--the rhythm and the hair." If you ever wondered just how hairy John Travolta was...

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In an attempt at legitimacy, the name Al Pacino is written six times here. Yes, the Godfather was an excellent movie, but Tony Manero couldn't get into the crowd scene of the wedding.

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This photo explains the Disco Phenomenon. Look closely at his eyes: an entire generation was possessed by leisure-suit-loving demons

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Face Lifting By Exercise: For Women and Men Over Twenty-One

2009-03-15T17:56:00.000-07:00

Face Lifting By Exercise: For Women and Men Over Twenty-One

By Senta Maria Runge

Allegro Publishing Co, 1972

"Turkey necks," "collapsing cheek muscles" and "droopy upper lips" got you down? Can't afford surgery to fix that mug? Then follow beauty authority Senta and her gloved models as they delicately stretch their own faces back into elasticity. You'll see filtered photos of plastic models contrasting with the lined face of a potato-selling street vendor to illustrate the difference. Just ask A.S. from La Jolla, CA who wrote in, "…I am so thankful to have found your program with the gift you have for humanity." Still not seeing a difference? Well guess what-you're old and there's not too much you can do about that. Except die.

Forget that Senta Maria has good bone structure and genes that give her perfect pores or that this photo was taken when she was only twenty-one, even you can be in the pink, so to speak, with face lifting exercises.

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"...The answer to every woman's prayer...a natural method" Sure! And the answer is in these special creams which are yours for only $19.99 plus shipping and taxes. But wait, that's not all! Order now and we will throw in this fabulously ornate faux-roccoco beauty mirror and chiffon curtains that haven't been in style since your mother decorated in the sixties...!

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If this is what you look like now, just imagine what our exercise regimen and creams will do for you. If you don't believe our word, just check out the words of our "confidential", but thoroughly satisfied customers.

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Yes, I always hold my bottle of cream "just so", when I apply this most amazing product. I also draw little arrows on my face to remind me which direction I have to spread the ointment. And I look radiant afterwards.

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Yes, you too will look this glamorous as you lift your face.

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Such amazing results come from this unique exercise regime.

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With testimonials like the ones above and this picture, apparently face-lifting is good for the bust as well. And here I always thought it was the foundation garments.

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American Elves - The Yankoos

2008-03-25T14:25:00.000-07:00

American Elves -- The Yankoos

by Robert Frieder

Yankoos Publishing Co., Sun City, AZ, 1995

The Yankoo series of books is designed to educate young children about nature. The Yankoos live in an all male culture and although a great deal is unknown about them, there remains some question regarding their sexual orientation. Yankoos can milk a cow standing up.

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Lester is an un-Irish looking elf mailman with spectacles and a Cyranoed-proboscis. His route is through a forest. There is little question that Lester is not real. No one can be that short. He's the same size sitting or standing. The world looks different to him inside a crowded elevator. Looks as if he has found a sunflower. He will eat the seeds but does not like the taste. Lester likes to spit out the seeds as an avocation.

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Lester introduces us to some azaleas and a wolf spider. We learn about the spider and how she hunts, what she eats, and how she parents her offspring. Here the spiderlings are busting out of their egg sac. Lester wonders why so many are born, as there does not seem to be enough food for all of them. However, Nature balances these problems for many of them die. The may be captured and used in laboratories, transported to zoos, become road kill, drowned in water spouts (especially itsy bitsy ones). Many commit suicide.

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We are introduced to Pierre the Yankoo chef and three other elves. Pierre has an Eatery in the forest. Business is good as Pierre runs a monopoly. When he is not cooking, Pierre describes the habits of a chipmunk, and a fox, with details on their habits and how they survive. Pierre the chef tells where he gets his food. There is Bruno, the baker, Icabod, the fisherman, and Zeb supplies Pierre with his vegetables. Most of the time Pierre makes soup as it is inexpensive and each day he adds something to the pot of soup. This is as not legal as it is unsanitary. It doesn't matter much as none of these elves are legal anyhow.

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The jowl-stuffed chipmunk stores acorns on both sides of its mouth and two in his front teeth. In this manner, he is able to forage for a shorter period of time and not make himself vulnerable to the ravages of the hungry fox or swooping hawks. The chipmunk stands on its hind legs and whistles. This is a danger call and the other chipmunks scamper. The Red Fox is about and the chipmunk has to run up a tree or dive into its hole in the ground. The chipmunk can also climb a tree but the Red Fox cannot. This is not true of the Gray Fox, however, for he is an excellent tree climber.

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This is Methuselah, a wild turkey. The first turkeys were not wild. It was only after they found out people were going to kill them that they got wild. Some are very tough. When these tough turkeys are put in the oven, some blow out the pilot light. The male is the one that gobbles. It gobbles for two reasons: 1. To attract a female, and 2. When it runs out of cough syrup. If you cross a turkey with a cat you get a pussy gobbler. Much like a peacock, the male spreads its feathers to impress the hens. Oddly the hen is very plain looking. She is a good mother. The Puritans celebrated Thanksgiving because they were saved from the Indians. We celebrate it today because we were saved from the Puritans.

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On his mail route, Lester describes the combs of bees, and the nests of hornets and details about butterflies and mushrooms. There is a lot of detailed information in this section, especially about the metamorphosis of the caterpillar. Lester visits Rufus the weatherman and Rufus is studying the clouds. He wonders why God didn’t make snow fall up instead of down and how come a snow bank is never overdrawn? Lester can't answer those questions, either.

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The Spirit of Seventy Sex

2008-03-25T13:45:00.000-07:00

The Spirit of Seventy Sex

by June and Philip Sinep

Philharmonic Press Ltd., N.Y., 1975

At the outset, the reader is cautioned that, "This book sold as a novelty only." The book depicts all varieties of sex toys with an emphasis on dildos. Pictured are spiked dildos, dildos with horns, some regular, curved, and some with picturesque add-ons to enhance the sexual experience. Vibratory and non-vibratory dildos are essential to any user's repertoire. The text is of a narrative style relating experiences with their friends to ensure quality of each toy's performance.

The silvered cover depicts a lusty, commanding, multi-taloned male (we can assume) American eagle resting on a handsome dildo. He is shown looking to his left where the females are. The relationship between the dildo and the eagle is not explained.

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Probably a now obsolete rough cloth-covered dildo that preceded those with more sophisticated spikes, horns, etc. The composition of the dildo is unknown. The rough cloth was used purposely to stimulate the sexual experience.

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This totally unsympathetic and feral-like dildo is used for very special vaginas. It had to be constructed by a sadist who frequents doctors for repeated prostate examinations. This particular dildo can help a woman renounce sex forever and ever, Amen!

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These multi-flavored dildos bring titillating experiences for their users. They come in the shape of a penis; testicles are added as a bonus. The testicles can be used to rest the sucker. A strong dowel holds up the sucker. Cost: $5.00

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The Love Machine is essentially a massive vibrator for those who want to go hi-tech. It comes with a "Bulldinger" which is an elongated penis. It is essential that one apply a lubricant for purposes of safety and survival. The normal vibration is 25 pulses a second. It has been said that this is the closest one can get to Nirvana without scaling Everest.

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Little question here for those who want to get their gun off. To operate one has to keep pressing the trigger. A lubricant is necessary. Not hi-tech, but so much fun -- tee hee!

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Bust-Up

2008-03-11T18:45:00.000-07:00

Bust-Up. The uplifting tale of Otto Titzling and the development of the bra

Wallace Reyburn

Prentice-Hall 1972

A titillating history from ancient corsetry to the modern bra. This is a detailed history of its development. Otto Titzling developed the brassiere. This uplifting volume recounts his exploits in business, his many associates and the marketing problems he encountered during the early 20th century.

A black and white cover of six attractive women in sensual poses, their birthday suits covered with nighties. Either they are readying for bed, waiting for gentlemen callers, or both. Each of the models is dressed in past and present day nighties. None has any knowledge of past hair styles contemporary with their period costumes. Their abundant breasts depict no particular period in history.

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In 1904 Otto, age 20 was injured with his wife's buxom breasts while breast feeding. He also choked on a nipple. To forestall further injury, he invented the brassiere and became a pioneer like George Stetson (hat), Hugo Jantzen (bathing suits) and Charlie Kotex, the famed inventor of a period piece.

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Unlike the Romans, who preferred draped, as opposed to fitted wear, the Greeks and the Egyptians were more inclined to stress the grace and definitions of the anatomy. This, then gave rise to the elegant statuary during the ancient world. Egyptians, however, always appeared to be readying themselves for mummification, the quintessential form of enhancing body lines. In the Egyptian corset the breasts lay bare. Egyptian weather fostered this delightful custom. Among the male population this gave rise to "erectus publicus" and much snickering among the women.

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A turning point in Otto's life came about when he was attending a circus and noticed that the female trapeze artist's breasts were falling into her throat and threatening to choke her. Even though she was wearing a bra it was the wrong kind. As an acute observer he was compelled to invent the other-way-up bra, saving the lives of all female trapeze artists!!

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Otto never forgot the needs of desperate women who got tired of pushing Kleenex under their bras and having nothing in which to blow their noses while crying over their flat breast. Mindful of their desperation, he invented falsies, initially made with rubber, the supply of which depended on the weather in Malaya. Later, falsies graduated to latex. Otto's ingenuity, knowing no bounds, devised a small purse in the bra where women would put what they called "mad money." Mad money during the 1920's would be used in an emergency when some cad were to stick her with the restaurant bill or another cad threw her out of his flivver and she had no way to get home. That would make her mad - now having to pay for a taxi. So under false pretences, and inflation of another kind setting in, he invented the falsies. Otto trumpeted: "What God Has Forgotten, We Stuff With Cotton."

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Today more cleavage is shown and breasts are pushed together and lifted with springed bras to tempt the savage beast. There are now (well, in 1972 when the book was published) 170,000 bras sold annually in the U.S. This represents 340,000 bra cups so there is always work at the factories.

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Here's a fine example of the ultra-point "sweater girl" look of the forties. Blast off!

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No More Alibis

2008-02-20T13:17:00.001-08:00

No More Alibis

By Sylvia of Hollywood

(McFadden Book Company, Inc., 1935)

The mysterious "Madame Sylvia" taught the stars of Hollywood how to be even more beautiful than they were. What better credentials for teaching YOU how to squeeze off fat, enlarge your chest, acquire poise and grace, and overcome nervousness?

In this dainty volume bound in red silk Sylvia claims, "Being beautiful isn't easy," but goes on to show that it can be done with the right diet and exercise.

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Here's Sylvia herself, a beauty dominatrix.

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"Fat is a great stumbling block in love," says Sylvia. Her reduction plan starts with a three day colonic, the elimination of all liquor (not one cocktail, not one highball, not even a glass of wine), and exercising in a cute little sailor suit with heels.

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An obliging member of your family can help you with this splendid way of reducing the abdomen. "It's as if your helper were trying to pull you in two. As she does this you can feel those fatty tissues being broken down. You must always be relaxed."

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A stubborn lump of fat can be squeezed off the way Sylvia does it in picture 15.

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"You simply can't hold your head high, look life in the face, when you know your body is all wrong. You feel inferior. That's even worse. Come on! Snap out of it! Develop a chest that will make you proud and happy."

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This is the Miniature Schnauzer and Super Potency at Any Age

2008-01-04T15:25:00.001-08:00

This is the Miniature Schnauzer and Super Potency at Any Age

by Spirer, Louise Ziegler and Edwin Flatto, M.D. (respectively)

T.F.H. Publications, 1963 and Instant Improvement Inc. 1991

In the intro to Super Potency at Any Age, Robert Rosenblum M.D. praises the author for his “remarkable vitality, youthfulness and knowledge of genito-uninary function.” We are told: “In the penis there are two long, thin chambers filled with spongy tissue called the corpora cavernosa. They are normally empty and relatively dry."

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An erection is brought about by blood that rushes in from the penile arteries, thereby engorging the erectile tissue and causing the penis to expand. As arterial inflow increases and venous outflow decreases, the penis at first becomes enlarged, and then fully rigid. This is brought about by reflex action stimulated by the brain through psychic stimulation and communicated through the central nervous system, or through tactile stimulation of sensory nerve endings of erogenous zones. Blood is trapped in the penile chambers by valves.” It is thus a boner is born.

Opposite: Get ready, get set, get potent!

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Girls can increase their potency by resting on an inclined surface in their bathing suit.

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Be careful to grip the head firmly as the needle is driven forcefully into the penis' core.

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An improvement of the single-phase .

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The Uniflate 1000

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Boners, of course can be used by Miniature Schnauzers, as breeders, although not all dogs get pregnant when they mate. In This is the Miniature Schnauzer, Louise Ziegler Spirer joins her husband in this dog-eared, and dog -chewed copy in advising that, “Some bitches, even though not pregnant, will exhibit symptoms of pregnancy, which can be misleading and disappointing, if you are hoping for a litter of pups. True pregnancy is unmistakable by around the fifth or sixth week, for the abdomen swells slightly, and the nipples become red and puffy.”

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Bitches need potency, just like male dogs do, just like men do, just like women do. Miniature Schnauzer owners may be wondering once potency is achieved, how mating actually takes place. In the section titled “Mating the Schnauzer Bitch,” this is discussed extensively. Some owners like to drop their dog off at a kennel. Generally the dog is mated two or three times a day. If there is a problem, however, the owner may need to help: “If she refuses to permit copulation you will have to hold her up with your hand under her stomach. Once the two dogs are “tied,” then the stud will be gently turned, and the period of copulation will last from several minutes to several hours.”

Opposite: Stud service anyone?

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This is the Miniature Schnauzer is a complete guide for the Schnauzer owner and is blessed with sections on puppyhood, diet, training, and grooming. All these activities, as well as breeding, are best done with a joy of life that Super Potency at Any Age is all about. With both these books in hand a body could not only enjoy a full, robust, and potent life, well into his 80’s, but do so with a Schnauzer in his 90’s-- in dog years, of course.

Opposite: Britches for bitches.

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When your dog's been good, give him a meatball.

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American Denim

2007-11-19T15:13:00.000-08:00

American Denim: A New Folk Art

by Peter Beagle

(1975 Warner Books, NY)

Clothing is a language. What we chose to wear states our ideas, ideals, and relationship to those around us. We can wear clothes to fit in or go naked to stand out. In this new year, wearing a button-down shirt can be a rebellious move, while that old Grateful Dead t-shirt is a way of belonging to an entire class of people. The photographs taken from American Denim also make a statement.

They say, damn you're going to be embarrassed when your kids pick up this book 25 years from now.

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Hey, on your legs...are those fish or blimps? That's a question nobody wants to hear.

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The arrows on the waistband were quite helpful when Dug (yeah, it's spelled that way) couldn't figure out how to get the Technicolor pants off. Really now, who puts a spider on their crotch?

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I.....am.....Elton.....John!

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"I wish I had a river so loooong, I could spread my wings and flyyyyyy..." This woman was channeling Joni Mitchell while she murdered the mimes necessary to make this jacket.

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Mara kept her hands firmly attached to her thighs as the jacket would run away if she let down her guard.

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Nothing quite says 'sexy' like a brontosaurus on your butt.

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Am I mistaken, or is the Tyrannosaurus Rex walking away from a beach umbrella? Perhaps these ancient creatures are smarter than once believed.

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"Hey Bill, I'm not quite sure that my jacket appliqué of men with 5 o'clock shadow is quite original enough. What should I do?"
"Well Kay, I always like a good steel chain."
"Oh Bill, you're a genius!"

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This move accidentally excerpted from the Official Guide to Disco Dance Steps.

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Imperialism, subjugation, and decoration. God Bless America!

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Transvestism: Men in Female Dress

2007-11-18T14:57:00.000-08:00

Transvestism: Men in Female Dress

Edited by David O. Cauldwell

Sexology Corporation, 1956

Impostors in petticoats! Middle-aged transvestites! Fem-men! This book is full of juicy confessions from men who " …like to wear dresses, so what!" and illustrated with the pictures to prove it. But expertise advice is also given, don't you worry…" Transvestites should always remember that 99% of the normal people 'run with the herd.'" Keeping this fast ' fact ' in mind, you can flip through the book and find many pictures of men throughout history looking better than any supermodel today. Well, except for "Marion" on page 109 who seems to prefer the Queen Elizabeth-look.

What is that tape in the corner? Obviously this is a much loved and chewed on book...could the owner have had more than one fetish?

"Fido, you bad boy! Look at the teeth marks you left in your new book. Now mommy has to spank you!"

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"Marion" is our poster child for the chapter "What is a Transvestite?" in case you want to know the difference between true Royalty and Drag Queens. Note the sensible horn-rimmed glasses, hat, coat and gloves...she never goes anywhere without matching kid gloves, just like the Queen Mother. Could they be one and the same?

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Believe it or don't kids, transvestism is not just a phenomenon of this past century. It has a long and checkered history. Did you know that George Washington used to consort with a very famous Transvestite? It's all true. Seriously!

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This chapter is about "Effeminate Men", which features more pictures of famous cross-dressers, and must have been included to distinguish from the very butch and hairy men that like to dress in lacies, I guess.

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One of the "confessional" chapters featuring Carol Anne Masters as himself and then as herself. What an amazing transformation!

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Our favorite trans-"fessional", Marybelle is not at all afraid to admit she prefers being "dolled-up"!

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Bomba the Jungle Boy in the Steaming Grotto

2007-11-17T14:53:00.000-08:00

Bomba the Jungle Boy in the Steaming Grotto

By Roy Rockwood

Cupples & Leon Company, 1938

A young, scantily clad boy lost in the wetness of unfamiliar places. A vicious murder. Animalistic urges. Follow Bomba and friends in this soothing children's story of illicit adventure and homosexual tendencies through chapters entitled "Queer Happenings" and "In Savage Hands."

Okay, what editor, in his right mind, would suggest the pseudonym "Roy Rockwood"?

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And if that isn't cheesy enough for you, check out the frontispiece illustration. Or how about that sub title: Victorious Through Flame and Fury. What is that supposed to mean?

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And this was only one book of a whole "Great Marvel Series". I'll bet every book had chapter titles like these, "Mystery Deepens", "The Ghost Speaks", "Knocked Out", and "A Dastardly Attack".

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Thankfully our society has come a long way from such vitriol like this: "The white man speaks truth," said Gibo, Bomba's brown-skinned follower. "Let Bomba sleep while Gibo keeps watch."

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"In an instant Bomba was upon him, and despite the man's furious struggles, held him fast.

"'Bring me that rope, ' Bomba commanded Wafi, indicating a piece in the corner of the room.

"Wafi obeyed, and between the two they soon had the crazy fellow tied up. They carried him to the bed and secured him firmly to it. Then they relaxed and drew breath."

Such heady writing!

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Bomba advanced upon the fellow who cowered before the lad's blazing eyes.

"Do you see these arms?" asked the jungle boy, flexing his mighty muscles.

Oh, yeah, like this pulp isn't going to place some interesting fantasies in the minds of young readers...

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A Happier Sex Life

2007-11-16T14:47:00.000-08:00

A Happier Sex Life

By Sha Kokken.

For those that haven't had the "Sex Talk" yet, this book takes great pains to angle obscure wooden artists' models into 420 photos demonstrating all the different sex positions imaginable. Much like a buffet, you can mix and match positions until you are stuffed. Oddly enough, though, Barbie and Ken are photographed separately, forcing the reader into an adult version of dolls.

Judging just from the cover, I'm not sure if this is talking about the act of sex or simply gender.

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This is the back and no more clues here, this looks sexless to me. Isn't sex about getting in touch with your partner?

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What have we here? "Man-Sitting Positions"? But these are wooden artists' models...they look as if they are performing calisthenics? Well, let's see, the darker wooden figure is facing one way...and the lighter figure is facing the other...wow, that looks uncomfortable.

Well, you might be if you were to do what the picture suggests...!

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Oh, no..."Rear-Entry Positions"! That symbol up there looks like the rewind button on my VCR. What are these figures up to? This looks more like modern dance than it looks like modern sex life.

And they said we had a sexual revolution? This looks like it went back to the Dark Ages!

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Okay, this looks a little more specific. So you rotate your pelvis just so and...!

This is called sex? If I didn't know any better I'd be clueless!

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Wait this looks interesting...M' W...W' M...are these compass directions? That might be more useful than these photos. Or how about a map with arrows, you know, with little footprints like they do in dance class? When do they ever touch each other? Or do men do it in the day when women do it at night? I am totally lost at this point.

If I have to rely on books like this for my education, I'll never have any sex!

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How Babies Are Made

2007-11-14T14:41:00.001-08:00

How Babies Are Made

By Andrew C. Andry and Steven Schepp.

Time-Life Books 1968.

Paper cutout testicles and humping dogs illustrate the nature of sex in this book. If you can get over the fact that somebody designed and cut out the sperm path of mating chickens, you might be able to read this book to an autistic child.

You can't judge this book by its cover, unless it is saying, "explicit information presented in pleasing pastels and lovely construction paper models".

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This is tasteful -- and such design values! Unfortunately, I have never seen a flower that looked like this, even in cross-section.

But wait, it gets better!

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That is a strange bug; so realistic, yet all made from construction paper.

I wondered if any of those projects in grade school would ever be put to good use.

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I grew up on a farm and I know mating chickens never were this calm.

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Oh, this is interesting! Don't those things come in a sheath?

Heeerb! The dog's humping my leg again!

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The problem with these diagrams is that I never know-- is this the front view or is it the back?

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Ah, the beauty of childbirth! Not something you see very often, and so lovingly rendered in construction paper.

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Looking Forward to Being Attacked

2007-11-14T13:45:00.000-08:00

Looking Forward to Being Attacked

by Lt. Jim Bullard

(Memphis Police Department, published 1977)

This book teaches women the right attitude to have when faced with an attacker. Let the chapter titles speak for themselves: "Putting the Old Spark Back in Your Obscene Telephone Calls;" "Don't Shoot the Peeping Tom, He May Be Your Next Door Neighbor!" "Exhibitionists Could Be Nice If They Were Not So Bashful," and "Applying Pressure Against Joints To Surprise, Bewilder, and Gain the Admiration of Your Attacker!"

Okay, so Lt. Bullard has a sense of humor about this subject, but his point is a valuable one: women can change their attitudes when faced with the possibility of attack from that of prospective victim to that of a take-charge-of-the-situation, properly controlled, and well-channeled response of outrage and anger. Angie Dickinson, stand back!

To illustrate his point, Lt. Bullard's book is chock full of black and white photos of fashionably dressed women and their leisure-wearing would-be-attackers. These women are clearly enjoying themselves.

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Men in trench coats are always suspicious, especially on the tennis court.

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This man criticized the cut of the coat she was considering buying. The heave-ho for him.

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Never stand at a busstop with a stranger who has a bag over his head.

"Look, we're on candid camera!"

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The book stacks harbor all kinds of perverts. Modern librarians are as well-versed in self-defense as the Dewey Decimal System.

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"Seize and squeeze!" directs Lt. Bullard. "Don't forget to let go," he warns. Did Ms. Bobbit read this book?

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Surgery of the Ambulatory Patient

2007-11-13T13:42:00.000-08:00

Surgery of the Ambulatory Patient

By L. K. Ferguson

J.B. Lippincott Company, 1957

Words do no justice here. Simply imagine 664 photos and illustrations like these…

Obviously a well used copy...can you imagine seeing this on the desk of your physician?

"Dr. Mengele will see you now...no, put that reading material down and come now. He is a busy man!"

The yellow of the dustjacket is caution enough for me...!

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I've always had a thing for beautiful lithographs...only this one is describing how to conduct an anal probe. So that is what those UFOs are up to...! Is the "Alien Autopsy" in here too?

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Ugh! I know some doctor somewhere has to look at this stuff, but why me?

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Yuck! Who would let an infection get that bad? Hello, Emergency Room please! Excuse me, I'm going to go barf now!

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Don't tell me, Cousin Harry decided to have photographs of his prodigious warts taken...but did he have to mix them with the family vacations photos? Yikes!

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Look, I dropped out of Premed so I wouldn't have to look at this stuff. And don't you dare tell me what this is illustrating! I do not want to know!

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The TV Vet: Sheep Book

2007-11-12T13:37:00.000-08:00

The TV Vet Sheep Book: Recognition and Treatment of Common Sheep Ailments

By The TV Vet

Farming Press Ltd., 1976

"Mommy, how do I help the sheep give birth?"

This makes you wonder if this is what passes for public access television in rural areas.

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This publisher seems to have printed a whole series devoted to the world of animal husbandry broadcasting.

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Imagine! A whole episode devoted to a veterinary's adventures in assisted birthing of lambs. Such exacting realism, with photos too! I haven't had this much fun since I last reread James Herriot's books.

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This makes sense, gotta shave the ewe's butt to help things come out easier!

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I am just sure glad I am not a sheep, this looks uncomfortable!

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Was James Herriot born too late? He could have been a television star! Every day up to your elbows in...ugh, ewe. But just think of the rustic joys of life on a rural farm!

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Must be really tough being a sheep: standing out in a rain storm, your fleece soaking wet, a prime candidate for being struck by lightening. But hey, with proper veterinary care you can survive even this devastating event!

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Crusade: The Story of the Bible Retold for Catholic Children

2007-11-11T13:34:00.000-08:00

Crusade: The Story of the Bible Retold for Catholic Children

By Maryknoll Sisters

(John J. Crawley & Co., 1955)

This was someone's collection of fifteen issues of "Crusade" magazine - niftily bound together with a white shoelace.

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Starting with issue number 22, Crusade magazine presents an informative encyclopedia to brainwash, er, educate little minds. Our collection unfortunately only has the first part of the alphabet, beginning with "ABEL" and continuing through "DISCALCED" (which means "barefoot" in Catholic). The definitions in this publication are only surpassed by the bold primary colored graphics.

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Definition: "COMMUNISM is a world-wide scheme to make slaves of all men on earth, to overthrow the governments of freemen by force and violence, and to blot out the memory of God from the minds of men. It has succeeded in some of its aims, in many unhappy countries, and its leaders are trying hard to conquer the rest of the earth. Communists will lie, steal, cheat, and murder for their cause. It is a great enemy of the Catholic Church and of the United States of America."

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Definition: "CONVERSION means changing. We usually mean changing from non-Christian or non-Catholic belief to the True Faith."

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Definition: "DAMNATION - is the state of eternal punishment which a soul suffers for sinning against God seriously and not being sorry for it.... Each soul in hell freely chose to love himself and no one else, and that is what he has, forever--his mean, hateful self!"

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"DARWINISM - a word taken from the name of Charles Darwin, an English scientist who lived from 1809 to 1882. He taught and wrote books about living things on earth and how he thought they developed. You will find more about his ideas under EVOLUTION." Damnation, our subscription to Crusades ran out before we could get to the E's.

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Sight Sermons on Sin, Salvation, Separation and Service

2007-11-10T13:31:00.000-08:00

Heart Reaching Object Lessons: Sight Sermons on Sin, Salvation, Separation and Service

By Elmer L. Wilder

Zondervan Publishing House, 1939

Riddle: How do pennies, stamps and matches tell a moral Bible story? Answer: With a little creativity and a good Christian heart! For Sunday school teachers and those currently controlling government, this book offers endless suggestions that will help you cleverly illustrate the virtues of condescending, repression and close-mindedness. Learn about cashing a check in the Bank of Heaven, the self-imposed noose of the drunkard and even the black ribbon of SIN. Act now and sit even higher on your moral horse.

Shouldn't "object lessons" include some objectivity? The "arrow of truth" piercing the Heart seems to be more metaphor than objective.

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What? Stamps are like Christians? I don't understand how church can be like the Post Office? Or is this a veiled reference to proselytizing? Sorry, I already gave during the sermon.

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Look, I just told you I already gave...during the sermon...you know when the pastor brought out that silly red heart and the penny. At first I thought he was going to begin doing parlor tricks but then he started talking about taxes and I just tuned out...Oh, pastor Wilder, good sermon today...*cough*

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Oh, this is choice...The three "B's", what is that: bodybuilding, bearings and bolting? They sure didn't teach these things in Sunday school when I was a kid!

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Life and Love: A Christian View of Sex

2007-11-09T13:30:00.000-08:00

Life and Love: A Christian View of Sex

By Clyde M. Narramore

Zondervan Publishing House, 1961.

"The association of a good Christian pal is always an effective deterrent to masturbation…" (page 151) "…heavy petting becomes a real problem, for it…may lead to sinful acts of immorality" (pages 40-41). Find wholesome answers to searing questions like, "Is my appearance appropriate for a Christian?" (self-evaluation, page 32) supported with right-wing statements such as, "Homosexual practices are wrong." (page 159). If you don't have a sex drive, this book is for you. Or if you do, this book will kill it. After all, "…no one has as much fun as a Christian." (page 37).

Here are the questions from the cover of the book:

What does it take to rate on a date?
Rate? Like I'm not good enough for you?

How can I be sure I'm in love?
Hey, baby, this hunk of burning love is all the proof yah need!

What does the Bible say about sex?
There's sex in the Bible? I'm gonna have to read that again!

How can I be certain of happiness in marriage?
Can 1 million divorces a year be wrong?

How does the body develop and function?
Wouldn't this be better handled in Biology Class or Home Ec.?

What can be done about special sex problems?
What kind of problems are you talking about? I have sex. No problem.

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Here's the back cover. I'm supposed to trust these people for sex advice? That man looks like he's had sex only once within the past decade and that was for procreation only. I guess we're supposed to believe that smile on her face is because she's happy she married to the yokel and not because she just "boinked" the milkman.

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That can't be a mirror...why is that girl so taken with the portrait of the young woman on the wall? Is she a Lesbian?

Let's investigate the text:

"…These are days of definite maturing for the young lady. The time spent combing her hair, experimenting with that new perfume, using new and dainty undergarments, are all a part of reaching adulthood."

Okay, so the best way to have sex is to comb my hair, buy expensive cologne and wear a corset. How about some stiletto heals and a riding crop? I think that would get me more sex than combing my hair would.

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This looks odd! I always shave in front of a picture of my best friend, because I can't cast a reflection of my own! ...unfortunate disease, you know. I have to drink warm blood too, and I sometimes like to fly around at night...

Or is this suggesting what I think it is?

Let us refer to the text:

"…Whiskers begin sprouting, and fellows begin looking into mirrors, in search of excuses for shaving!…In fact, the word puberty comes from the Latin verb pubescere, which means "to become hairy." Every Christian fellow should realize that this sudden surge of manliness is all in God's design. A significant contribution to a fellow's pride during these days is his incipient beard…"

Yep, every hair that grows on my chin brings me closer to God.

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Oh, yes, the ubiquitous female anatomy diagram. Like this is going to tell me how to perform the "missionary" position. And where is the male anatomy? Or is that too pornographic for a "Christian" book?

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Do they have baby shops now where you can buy them by the pound? I always thought they brought your baby to your room. I know I don't want to have to look at my baby through a window before I hold him.

What does the text have to say about this picture?

"Babies have a way of notifying the world of their presence."

That's an understatement.

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The See and Do Book of Boxes, Cartons and Containers

2007-11-08T13:26:00.000-08:00

The See and Do Book of Boxes, Cartons and Containers

by Helen Jill Fletcher

H.S. Stuttman Co., NY, 1959

This book "makes 'doing' fun and gives that wonderfully satisfying feeling that comes out of creating useful or ornamental objects from simple, inexpensive and often discarded and waste material." Making crafts at home is not only a great way to recycle old junk otherwise destined for the landfills, but it's also therapeutic! Craftmaking is a great way for the whole family to work out their Oedipal complexes and break out of traditional gender roles.

Witness the family depicted on the the cover of this book: That's really Dad you see in the pearl necklace happily putting the paper bag over Bobby's head. You can tell from the beatific look on his rosy face...

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...that creating stylish accoutrements for the family rec room out of Quaker Oats cartons raises his consciousness to a whole new level...

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...and Bobby and Suzy can join in the fun too.

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Imagine Aunt Nellie's pleasure at receiving a Colorama Peep House made from a corrugated cardboard box as a gift from your family to hers.

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Other projects you can make include a Flying Saucer Shuffleboard, Cereal Box Chinaman, Shoe Box Punching Toy, and this styling Totem pole.

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The Pantyhose Craft Book

2007-11-07T13:15:00.000-08:00

The Pantyhose Craft Book

by Jean Ray Laury and Joyce Aiken

(Taplinger Publishing Company, 1978)

"If Mount Everest is climbed 'because it is there,' then leftover nylon stockings have something in common with Everest. They're put to use 'because they are there," so philosophize our thoughtful authors in the foreword to this indispensable book. Pantyhose come from eggs, after all, symbolizing life and renewal and thus it is only natural that the craftsman's creative juices be stirred by a drawerful of nude and taupe nylons with runs.

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After all, "Today's rug may simply be the reincarnation of yesterday's violet mesh hose. Tomorrow's stuffed toys may regenerate from today's office-beige stockings." Pantyhose crafts: the way to enlightenment.

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Why use just pantyhose for your crafts when you can combine them with the plastic rings from soft drink can holders? Why indeed?? "The finished hammock is very elastic and bouncy and makes a marvelous summer entertainment." Our model seems to be falling out of the hammock, but his friend does appear entertained.

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Fun With Plastic Bottles

2007-11-05T10:23:00.000-08:00

Fun with Plastic Bottles:

by Aleene

(Published by Aleene's, Inc., 1967)

The purple plastic bottle piggy bank on the cover of this book is a true masterpiece of post-modern sculpture. Notice the bumble bee on the pig's tail, such detail! The only question is where does one get a purple bleach bottle these days?

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This book was written by one of those one-name personalities like Cher or Prince; who is this mysterious "Aleene?" Whoever she is, she's certainly prolific! Check out this list of books by Aleene on the back cover of Fun With Plastic Bottles: Can you live without Glitter Your Garbage, Trim Your Trash, or Projects Made of Folded Magazines on your bookshelf?

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But maybe "Fun with Plastic Bottles" is really all you need to satisfy your creative urges.

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Be assured your creations will last long after your bones are laid to rest. That's the beauty of plastic.

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You will not be sacrificing function for form. After all, plastic holds water.

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2007-11-02T12:42:00.000-07:00

Storage of potatoes: Post-harvest behaviour, store design, storage practice, handling

By A. Rastovski, A vanEs et al.

Centre for Agricultural Publishing and Documentation, Wageningen, Netherlands, 1981

This homely volume was sadly discarded by the Ellensburg, WA Public Library before being rescued by Pistil Books.

The mottled potato-brown cover of this volume seems to depict a vast store of potatoes as seen from above. Some swinging doors in the lower right hand corner sweep a potato-free arc as they open, demonstrating the latest in potato storage industrial design. Inside the cover awaits the exciting answer to the question, "Just what is 'potato behavior'?"

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An entire section of this book is devoted to diseases and defects liable to affect potatoes during storage. Such potato ills include gangrene, silver scurf, potato tuber moth, weight losses, mother tuber, and black heart. Here we see a close-up photo of the dreaded "watery wound rot". Not something you'd want to see on your plate next to your roast beef.

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In order not to put off the reader with only dry technical descriptions of potato culture, the authors include artistically rendered graphics such as this one depicting the starch synthesizing mechanism during tuber growth.

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An interesting history of potato storage from the time of the Queches of the Andes (who trod on potatoes with their bare feet in order to make a flour) to the most modern air-cooled storage building is profusely illustrated with examples of potato stores through the ages. Here is a lovely drawing of a 19th century potato hut from the Netherlands and the attending potato maiden.

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Modern potato technology is sophisticated and state-of-the-art. Here a glass mercury thermometer accurately records the temperature in the steamy potato pile.

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Don't think potato behavior is only about production for consumption, however. Potatoes are varied and many-splendored and sponaneously create beautiful tuber sculptures. Remember, potatoes have more eyes than we humans do.

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2007-11-01T12:37:00.000-07:00

Barbecuing the Weber Covered Way

by Carol Brent & Betty Hughes, Editors

(Tested Recipe Publishers, 1972)

Mmmmm, ever wonder just how much raw meat you can put on an outdoor grill? If you’ve ever had a large selection of multicolored barbecues and not been sure about how to arrange them on a cascading waterfall, or if you haven’t been sure about the appropriateness of taking a full size barbecue on a snowmobile trip, this book is for you.

Chock full of heart-stopping recipes like Bacon Crab Rolls and Steak Burgers, this marvelous and colorful collection is not just for red meat fans. Heck no! For lamb alone you’ve got "lamburgers...lamb chops...lamb steaks...lamb loaf and lamb shanks."

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The contents are marred by a short section in the rear of the book on vegetables, but the substantial sauces section makes up for it. Try this Sweet-Sour Barbecue Sauce: "1 can crushed pineapple, 1 cup sugar, 2 tablespoons cornstarch, 1/2 teaspoon salt, 2/3 cup cider, 1/3 cup coarsely chopped green pepper, 1/4 cup chopped maraschino cherries." If you add 2 cups vodka it makes a wonderful Mai-tai, or with a spurt of whipped cream, served in a chilled glass, an enticing dessert. Make sure those cherries are flavored with Red Dye #2!

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Welcome to Weber World, are those your real ears, or are they just stuck into your head with toothpicks?

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For removal of the genitals prior to roasting, see TV Vet: Pig Book.

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The previous owner scotch taped in a (super) favorite recipe clipping, yum! The first three ingredients are MSG, sugar, and salt, sure to guarantee a flavor sensation you will not soon forget.

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2007-10-31T14:28:00.000-07:00

TV Vet: Horse Book: Recognition and Treatment of Common Horse and Pony Ailments with over 300 action pictures.

By TV Horse Vet

(John Harvest Farming Press Ltd. 1977)

Tired of fumbling around your horse’s ass with the thermometer? Not sure just how far to push your arm in when foaling? Is your mare a nymphomaniac? What are some simple methods of restraint? These and other topics are covered in just the first 32 pages of this interesting and photograph filled easy-to-use compilation of modern veterinary practices.

Inside, stable girls and boys illustrate feeding practices in long black leather boots and becoming herringbone jackets. Section 13 covers “Stable Vices,” outlining several common social problems your horse may be victim to, usually as a result of boredom, and what may help improve character and morale.

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Books of medical practices are often hard to follow and filled with impractical medical jargon. As an example of the crisp and clear style of the TV Vet: Horse Book, look at this example of the paragraph for castration, entitled “The Operation:” The testicles are exposed in turn, using a bold incision with an ultra sharp scalpel…, and the cords are crushed through one by one with the ecraseur chain. The wounds are then dressed with supphanilamide power.” A quick look at the accompanying photos and you’re ready to don the latex gloves! Not just fun for the “doctor,” but for the whole family too!

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“From section #39 How to Test a Horse’s Wind”

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“Good feeding practices require holding the feed over your head and letting it fall, so it can be nibbled from around your ears.”

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From section #39, "How to Test a Horse’s Wind”

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2007-10-30T12:32:00.000-07:00

No More Alibis

By Sylvia of Hollywood

(McFadden Book Company, Inc., 1935)

The mysterious "Madame Sylvia" taught the stars of Hollywood how to be even more beautiful than they actually were! What better credentials for teaching YOU how to squeeze off fat, enlarge your chest, acquire poise and grace, and overcome nervousness?

In this dainty volume bound in red silk Sylvia claims, "Being beautiful isn't easy," but goes on to show that it can be done with the right diet and exercise.

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Here's Sylvia herself, a beauty dominatrix.

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A stubborn lump of fat can be squeezed off the way Sylvia does it in picture 15.

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2007-10-29T12:56:00.000-07:00

a doctor discusses What Teenagers Want to Know

by Florence Levinsohn

(1975 Budlong Press Company, Chicago)

A Doctor Discusses: What Teenagers Want to Know: ....about sex, of course! This discreet manual is small enough to slip inside a Bible, beneath a mattress, or next to one's heart.

In this illustrated guide, the good doctors Levinhsohn and Kelly lead a questioning teen from adolescence to parenthood, addressing all the venereal and impregnation risks in between.

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You won't want to miss such special sections as Just Exactly What Is Circumcision? and All the Way: Why Not? Alert, adults: it's never to late to learn!

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Crusade

2003-10-01T13:06:00.000-07:00

Crusade: The Story of the Bible Retold for Catholic Children

By Maryknoll Sisters

(John J. Crawley & Co., 1955)

This was someone's collection of fifteen issues of "Crusade" magazine - niftily bound together with a white shoelace.

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Definition: "CONVERSION means changing. We usually mean changing from non-Christian or non-Catholic belief to the True Faith."

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A Laboratory Guide to Fungi in Polluted Waters

2003-07-16T18:06:00.000-07:00

A Laboratory Guide to Fungi in Polluted Waters, Sewage and Sewage Treatment Systems: Their Identification and Culture

(U.S. Department of Health, Education and Welfare, 1963)

Sewage treatment has always been a fascinating subject for us here at Pistil Books, and disputes about sewage treatment and their ancillary correlates have always been a quick way to get the blood going around the office, as differing perspectives can so quickly escalate over several cups of strong coffee and the requisite afternoon fruit salad compote. But enough about our personal lives. This exciting book outlines the means by which fungi may be put to use as part of the wondrous cycle in which our poop and piss may be once again be poured into a Sparkletts bottle.

Yes, water borne fungi thrive happily in the water treatment facilities across this great effluent-filled land of ours, and with this handy volume you can learn to quickly identify those most ravenous for our untreated waste, where they live and how they might appear in a salad.

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The helicomyces lilliputeus enjoys a mild urine solution and kitchen slime.

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The free floating schwanniomyces alluvius likes laundry water from underwear and sock washes (in a mild detergent without bleach) as well as crushed stale corn nuts.

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Shown wrestling over a ball of snot, these competing absidia spinosa are voracious digesters of effluvium of all sorts and can be especially tenacious when grappling over shoe-leather scraps.

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a doctor discusses What Teenagers Want to Know

2003-01-26T10:10:00.000-08:00

a doctor discusses What Teenagers Want to Know

by Florence Levinsohn

(1975 Budlong Press Company, Chicago)

A Doctor Discusses: What Teenagers Want to Know: ....about sex, of course! This discreet manual is small enough to slip inside a Bible, beneath a mattress, or next to one's heart.

In this illustrated guide, the good doctors Levinhsohn and Kelly lead a questioning teen from adolescence to parenthood, addressing all the venereal and impregnation risks in between.

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You won't want to miss such special sections as Just Exactly What Is Circumcision? and All the Way: Why Not? Alert, adults: it's never to late to learn!

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A Study of Female Auto-Eroticism

2002-12-08T14:06:00.000-08:00

A Study of Female Auto-Eroticism

by Harvey T. Leathem, MD with Hugh Jones

(Century Books, 1967)

"The female auto-erotic!" boldly begins Dr. Leathem's thorough and titillating investigation of ladies masturbation--at least, how the chicks in 1967 did it.

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Lucky Dr. Leathem, privy to confessions regarding such topics as Masturbation by Self-flagellation, Her Teenage Years, and Her Oral Techniques, has turned his luck over to you. Read the transcribed confessions in this handy paperback guide. Keep one hand free. Satisfaction guaranteed.

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American Denim: A New Folk Art

2002-10-25T14:45:00.000-07:00

American Denim: A New Folk Art by Peter Beagle (1975 Warner Books, NY)
	Clothing is a language. What we chose to wear states our ideas, ideals, and relationship to those around us. We can wear clothes to fit in or go naked to stand out. In this new year, wearing a button-down shirt can be a rebellious move, while that old Grateful Dead t-shirt is a way of belonging to an entire class of people. The photographs taken from American Denim also make a statement. They say, damn you're going to be embarrassed when your kids pick up this book 25 years from now. Next Back to the top
Hey, on your legs...are those fish or blimps? That's a question nobody wants to hear. Next Back to the top
	The arrows on the waistband were quite helpful when Dug (yeah, it's spelled that way) couldn't figure out how to get the Technicolor pants off. Really now, who puts a spider on their crotch? Next Back to the top
I.....am.....Elton.....John! Next Back to the top
	"I wish I had a river so loooong, I could spread my wings and flyyyyyy..." This woman was channeling Joni Mitchell while she murdered the mimes necessary to make this jacket. Next Back to the top
Mara kept her hands firmly attached to her thighs as the jacket would run away if she let down her guard. Next Back to the top
Nothing quite says 'sexy' like a brontosaurus on your butt. Am I mistaken, or is the Tyrannosaurus Rex walking away from a beach umbrella? Perhaps these ancient creatures are smarter than once believed.

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	"Hey Bill, I'm not quite sure that my jacket appliqué of men with 5 o'clock shadow is quite original enough. What should I do?" "Well Kay, I always like a good steel chain." "Oh Bill, you're a genius!" Next Back to the top
This move accidentally excerpted from the Official Guide to Disco Dance Steps. (See our Disco Apocalypse Gallery) Next Back to the top

Imperialism, subjugation, and decoration. God Bless America! Back to the top

The Pantyhose Craft Book

2002-10-24T15:19:00.000-07:00

The Pantyhose Craft Book

by Jean Ray Laury and Joyce Aiken

(Taplinger Publishing Company, 1978)

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Fun with Plastic Bottles

2002-10-23T15:45:00.000-07:00

Fun with Plastic Bottles:
A Craft "How-To" Create Book

by Aleene

(Published by Aleene's, Inc., 1967)

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This book was written by one of those one-name personalities like Cher or Prince; who is this mysterious "Aleene?" Whoever she is, she's certainly prolific! Check out this list of books by Aleene on the back cover of Fun With Plastic Bottles: Can you live without Glitter Your Garbage, Trim Your Trash, or Projects Made of Folded Magazines on your bookshelf?

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But maybe "Fun with Plastic Bottles" is really all you need to satisfy your creative urges.

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Be assured your creations will last long after your bones are laid to rest. That's the beauty of plastic.

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You will not be sacrificing function for form. After all, plastic holds water.

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Police Brutality

2002-10-08T22:37:00.000-07:00

This series of wartime booklets is illustrated by someone called "Seaman," who draws burly men in little briefs and hulking thugs in intimate stances with cops, and features "Professor Butch" and "a Fistic Expert." Hmmm. This is what really goes on at the Police Gymnasium.
	Police Jiu-Jitsu 1943 Padell Book Co., NYC The author of this booklet tells us that American law enforcement officials, despite their prejudice against things foreign, "found that the wily little brown man depended on brain instead of brawn and that he had developed a Science and an Art that utilized another's strength to his own undoing": The Japanese art of Jiu-Jitsu. Next Back to the top
As taught to police, marines, "G" men, soldiers, and members of the U.S. Coast Guard, learn how to disarm a thug and outsmart and overpower him with such maneuvers as "The Dervish," "The Ferris Wheel," the mysterious "Mud Turtle," the "Flying Prayer Wheel," not to mention "The Crotch Lift." Such stimulating exercises! Next Back to the top
	Not just for he-men, jiu-jitsu can be performed while maintaining ladylike composure. Next Back to the top

	Police Wrestling: Mat Holds, Grips, Falls 1942, Padell Book Co., NYC Next Back to the top
Bold line drawings of buff and mostly naked men in tight black shorts illustrate such grappling techniques as "Stock-Lock-Buttock," "Half-Nelson and Crotch Hold," and "The Ram-Rod." Next Back to the top
	Includes a section on "Wrestling for Pleasure." It's refreshing to see men who are not afraid to touch each other. Next Back to the top

	Scientific Boxing: Diet, Fight Training, Scientific Boxing, K.O. Punching 1941, Padell Book Co., NYC Next Back to the top
Everything you needed to know about K.O. punching in a handy pocket guide! A "Fistic Expert?" That must be some kind of scientist… Next Back to the top
	Illustrated with s-l-o-w motion movie strips, an encyclopedia of prize fighting, ring rules and ring history. You can almost smell the sweat! Back to the top

Looking Forward to Being Attacked

2002-10-06T02:32:00.000-07:00

Looking Forward to Being Attacked by Lt. Jim Bullard (Memphis Police Department, published 1977) This book teaches women the right attitude to have when faced with an attacker. Let the chapter titles speak for themselves: "Putting the Old Spark Back in Your Obscene Telephone Calls;" "Don't Shoot the Peeping Tom, He May Be Your Next Door Neighbor!" "Exhibitionists Could Be Nice If They Were Not So Bashful," and "Applying Pressure Against Joints To Surprise, Bewilder, and Gain the Admiration of Your Attacker!" Okay, so Lt. Bullard has a sense of humor about this subject, but his point is a valuable one: women can change their attitudes when faced with the possibility of attack from that of prospective victim to that of a take-charge-of-the-situation, properly controlled, and well-channeled response of outrage and anger. Angie Dickinson, stand back! To illustrate his point, Lt. Bullard's book is chock full of black and white photos of fashionably dressed women and their leisure-wearing would-be-attackers. These women are clearly enjoying themselves.
	Men in trench coats are always suspicious, especially on the tennis court. Next Back to the top
This man criticized the cut of the coat she was considering buying. The heave-ho for him. Next Back to the top
	Never stand at a busstop with a stranger who has a bag over his head. "Look, we're on candid camera!" Next Back to the top
The book stacks harbor all kinds of perverts. Modern librarians are as well-versed in self-defense as the Dewey Decimal System. (Compare with The Assertive Librarian in our "Books on Books" Exhibit.) Next Back to the top
	"Seize and squeeze!" directs Lt. Bullard. "Don't forget to let go," he warns. Did Ms. Bobbit read this book? Back to the top

The See and Do Book of Boxes, Cartons and Containers

2002-10-01T10:39:00.000-07:00

The See and Do Book of Boxes, Cartons and Containers

by Helen Jill Fletcher

H.S. Stuttman Co., NY, 1959

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...that creating stylish accoutrements for the family rec room out of Quaker Oats cartons raises his consciousness to a whole new level...

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...and Bobby and Suzy can join in the fun too.

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Imagine Aunt Nellie's pleasure at receiving a Colorama Peep House made from a corrugated cardboard box as a gift from your family to hers.

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Other projects you can make include a Flying Saucer Shuffleboard, Cereal Box Chinaman, Shoe Box Punching Toy, and this styling Totem pole.

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Museum of Weird Books

Nest Am Fenster (Window into a Nest)

Nest Am Fenster (Window into a Nest)

That amazing ingredient: mayonnaise!

That amazing ingredient: mayonnaise!

Magic in Frosting

The Joyce Lee Method of Scientific Facial Exercises

The Joyce Lee Method of Scientific Facial Exercises

Unmasking the Face

Unmasking the Face: A Guide to Recognizing Emotions from Facial Expressions

The Art of Rapid Reading

The Art of Rapid Reading

Fliks Presents Saturday Night Fever

Fliks Presents Saturday Night Fever

Face Lifting By Exercise: For Women and Men Over Twenty-One

Face Lifting By Exercise: For Women and Men Over Twenty-One

American Elves - The Yankoos

American Elves -- The Yankoos

The Spirit of Seventy Sex

The Spirit of Seventy Sex

Bust-Up

Bust-Up. The uplifting tale of Otto Titzling and the development of the bra

No More Alibis

No More Alibis

This is the Miniature Schnauzer and Super Potency at Any Age

This is the Miniature Schnauzer and Super Potency at Any Age

American Denim

American Denim: A New Folk Art

Transvestism: Men in Female Dress

Transvestism: Men in Female Dress

Bomba the Jungle Boy in the Steaming Grotto

Bomba the Jungle Boy in the Steaming Grotto

A Happier Sex Life

A Happier Sex Life

How Babies Are Made

How Babies Are Made

Looking Forward to Being Attacked

Looking Forward to Being Attacked

Surgery of the Ambulatory Patient

Surgery of the Ambulatory Patient

The TV Vet: Sheep Book

The TV Vet Sheep Book: Recognition and Treatment of Common Sheep Ailments

Crusade: The Story of the Bible Retold for Catholic Children

Crusade: The Story of the Bible Retold for Catholic Children

Sight Sermons on Sin, Salvation, Separation and Service

Heart Reaching Object Lessons: Sight Sermons on Sin, Salvation, Separation and Service

Life and Love: A Christian View of Sex

Life and Love: A Christian View of Sex

The See and Do Book of Boxes, Cartons and Containers

The See and Do Book of Boxes, Cartons and Containers

The Pantyhose Craft Book

The Pantyhose Craft Book

Fun With Plastic Bottles

Fun with Plastic Bottles:

Storage of potatoes: Post-harvest behaviour, store design, storage practice, handling

Barbecuing the Weber Covered Way

TV Vet: Horse Book: Recognition and Treatment of Common Horse and Pony Ailments with over 300 action pictures.

No More Alibis

a doctor discusses What Teenagers Want to Know

Crusade

Crusade: The Story of the Bible Retold for Catholic Children

A Laboratory Guide to Fungi in Polluted Waters

A Laboratory Guide to Fungi in Polluted Waters, Sewage and Sewage Treatment Systems: Their Identification and Culture

a doctor discusses What Teenagers Want to Know

a doctor discusses What Teenagers Want to Know

A Study of Female Auto-Eroticism

A Study of Female Auto-Eroticism

American Denim: A New Folk Art

American Denim: A New Folk Art

The Pantyhose Craft Book

The Pantyhose Craft Book

Fun with Plastic Bottles

Fun with Plastic Bottles: A Craft "How-To" Create Book

Police Brutality

Police Jiu-Jitsu

Police Wrestling: Mat Holds, Grips, Falls

Scientific Boxing: Diet, Fight Training, Scientific Boxing, K.O. Punching

Looking Forward to Being Attacked

Looking Forward to Being Attacked

The See and Do Book of Boxes, Cartons and Containers

Fun with Plastic Bottles:
A Craft "How-To" Create Book

Scientific Boxing: Diet, Fight Training, Scientific Boxing, K.O.
Punching